i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I need to sanitize my soul.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
