I can text with my tongue
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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