how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
