i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
