I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
