Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
