I met the friendliest cop last night
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
