Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
