somebody snuck up and got me drunk
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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