i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Success! We fucked roommates!
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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