I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
