I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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