My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
