my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
