Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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