when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
