dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
