Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize