someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
