I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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