I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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