What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
