I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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