i think my mom watched the whole time
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
