So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
