I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
