I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
