You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
