I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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