Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
even my farts smell like vagina
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
