GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
