She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
