New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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