you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
