I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I said "one day" and that day is not today
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
