She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I will pee on everything he values.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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