he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
