lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
