i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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