Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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