Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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