my text book just quoted the cookie monster
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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