She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
