My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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