i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
