he thought i was a dude.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
