I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
