party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
