i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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