I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
