I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
