i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
