You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
