You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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