apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
