JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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