I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
