I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
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