Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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