Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
