your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
