Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
