god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just found puke in my bra..
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
