And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
