Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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