I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
