Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
