one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
