Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
