Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
