i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
