Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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