i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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