I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
